miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
They have beer where we have blood.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
