i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
