Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
