My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
