someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
