She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i believe in u and ur pee
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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