ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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