I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
