So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
