I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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