i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
