my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
