we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
