3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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