My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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