You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
