I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Shame - the story of my life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
