Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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