thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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