i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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