Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
