Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
