mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i came on her dog
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
