Sober January is a disaster.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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