"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
