so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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