after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
