Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
