My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
