Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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