I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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