After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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