if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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