I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
