I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
