It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
