Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just had sex on a roof
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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