I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
