How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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