Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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