dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
