Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
