oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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