The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
