In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
