whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need water and some morals
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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