Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
