Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
