He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
