Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
