dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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