He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
