the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
