so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i love accidental penises.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
