So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
