Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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