man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
