just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
