Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize