there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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