I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
