He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
