I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
