Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
