Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
