i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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