I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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